demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on Jul 2, 2015 10:27:06 GMT -5
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demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on Jul 4, 2015 8:36:38 GMT -5
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger." |
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demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on Jul 4, 2015 9:25:15 GMT -5
Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"
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demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on Jul 11, 2015 7:40:32 GMT -5
huh, son of a b!tch, Webster's Dictionary defines "alimony" as the "price of freedom"  |
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demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on Jul 11, 2015 8:50:53 GMT -5
a man was speeding down the road with his deaf wife in the passenger seat when he gets pulled over by the police. cop walks up to the car and asked the guy for his license. "WHAT DID HE SAY?" replied the wife, to which the husband tells her "he wants to see my license" after handing over his license the cop asks the guy, "Sir, do you realize you were doing 56 in 35?" "WHAT DID HE SAY?" erupts from the wife for a second time. "he said I was speeding" as the cop looks over the guys license he notices the guy's from Orlando, Florida. "Orlando? man I hate that place, worse piece of ass I ever had in my life was in Orlando!" "WHAT DID HE SAY?" belts out the wife.................. "HE SAID HE THINKS HE KNOW'S YOU!!!" |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2015 22:06:27 GMT -5
Ronda Rousey, knocking out girls faster than Bill Cosby.
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Post by Luke Wells on Aug 2, 2015 22:46:32 GMT -5
Ronda Rousey, knocking out girls faster than Bill Cosby. But Bill Cosby still has more KO's. Lol |
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demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on Sept 9, 2015 12:44:37 GMT -5
A man is driving down the road with a bunch of penguins in the back seat of his car. The police stop him and tell the man that he cannot drive down the road with that many penguins in his car, it’s illegal. They inform him that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo right away. He is pulled over again the following day by the same police officer when the officer notices all the penguins still in the man’s car. He says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!” to which the man replies, “I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies.”
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demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on Feb 11, 2016 10:33:44 GMT -5
A penguin is driving along the highway when, suddenly his engine starts running rough and he sees smoke in his rear view mirror. He pulls off the highway and finds the nearest service station, and pulls up to the garage with the car shaking and sputtering. He tells the mechanic what happened, and the mechanic says "OK, give me 10 minutes to check it out."
Meanwhile, the penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street. Thinking this is a perfect time for a tasty treat, he heads over and gets himself an ice cream cone.
After he finishes, he walks back over to the garage, and asks the mechanic "So, did you find out what's wrong?"
The mechanic looks at the penguin and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin quickly wipes his face and says "Oh, no, that's just the ice cream."
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demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on Feb 11, 2016 10:37:06 GMT -5
The Pope goes to New York, and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?"
The driver is understandably hesitant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that."
But the Pope persists, "Please?"
The driver finally lets up, "Oh, alright, I can't really say no to the Pope."
So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the Pope to wind the window down. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: Chief, I have a problem.
Chief: What sort of problem?
Cop: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit, but it's someone really important.
Chief: Important like the mayor?
Cop: No, no, much more important than that.
Chief: Important like the governor?
Cop: Way more important than that.
Chief: Like the president?
Cop: Much more important.
Chief: "Who's more important than the president?"
Cop: "I don't know but he has the Pope DRIVING for him!"
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Post by amkear613 on Jul 10, 2016 18:29:00 GMT -5
Lets wake this thread up!
Being a derby driver is like being a male porn star... There's stiff competition everywhere you go!
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Post by Heavy Mettle on Jul 21, 2016 23:59:07 GMT -5
Barry and Joe were driving along the countryside when they saw a goat with its head caught in a fence.... Barry threw the car in park and said "you see that Joe? We gotta do something about this...."
So, they get out of the car and walk through the ditch right up to the goat where Barry pulls his pants down and starts f@$king the goat..... Barry says to Joe, "man, this is some good shi+, you'd better get you some of this...." So Joe, a little confused...... Shrugs his shoulders, pulls his pants down, and sticks his head through the fence......
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Post by destroyer14 on Jul 23, 2016 3:00:15 GMT -5
Barry and Joe were driving along the countryside when they saw a goat with its head caught in a fence.... Barry threw the car in park and said "you see that Joe? We gotta do something about this...." So, they get out of the car and walk through the ditch right up to the goat where Barry pulls his pants down and starts f@$king the goat..... Barry says to Joe, "man, this is some good shi+, you'd better get you some of this...." So Joe, a little confused...... Shrugs his shoulders, pulls his pants down, and sticks his head through the fence...... damn...just damn |
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Post by Heavy Mettle on Aug 16, 2016 23:16:43 GMT -5
I bet they were from Illinois Well, we don't know where Barry is from.... We never could find his birth certificate.... All we know is that he's a goat FU€K€R .............. But yeah- he was a Senator from there..... |
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Post by everythingsforsale on Sept 3, 2016 18:48:57 GMT -5
A racist, a black guy, and a Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What can I get you, Mr. President?"
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