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Post by amkear613 on Sept 5, 2016 9:52:06 GMT -5
What do you call a dog with short legs and steel balls?
Sparky
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Post by destroyer14 on Sept 8, 2016 19:53:25 GMT -5
Obama. ...
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Post by C4 on Sept 15, 2016 19:15:41 GMT -5
Come on, man. This thread is for jokes, not for horror stories. |
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Post by STROMI 121 on Sept 15, 2016 19:27:59 GMT -5
Obamma is a joke...
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Post by destroyer14 on Sept 15, 2016 19:49:31 GMT -5
And now we gotta pick the lesser of two evils....
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Post by everythingsforsale on Sept 25, 2016 20:05:42 GMT -5
Hillary Clinton is elected president, and on the first night she sleeps in the White House she finds out that all new presidents are visited by the ghosts of presidents from the past. The first night she is visited by President Washington, and she asks, "What can I do to best serve the United States? He answers, "Never tell a lie." She replies, "I can do that."
The second night she is visited by Thomas Jefferson. She asks, "What can I do to best serve the United States?" His ghost responds, "Listen to the people." She replies, "I can do that."
On the third night she is visited by Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "What can I do to best serve the United States?"
He replies, "Go see a play."
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Post by amkear613 on Feb 7, 2017 21:19:09 GMT -5
What does the starship enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus looking for clingons
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Post by amkear613 on Feb 7, 2017 21:21:27 GMT -5
Did you know the muslims were the first people to invent the condom using goat intestine? The English were the first to remove it from the goat before use.
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Post by sheffield2 on Mar 26, 2017 0:56:16 GMT -5
Why are you looking here for jokes it's in your hand every time you piss
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Post by Heavy Mettle on Jul 25, 2017 15:34:51 GMT -5
Monica Lewinski took a dress to drop off at the dry cleaner. As she was walking out the door, the little Asian shopkeeper said come again! Monica whipped around and said "No! It's toothpaste this time you nosey b!tch." And stormed out...
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demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on Jul 30, 2017 8:27:46 GMT -5
One day an old couple decided to visit Jerusalem on vacation. From the moment they got off the plane, all she did was bit@h and complain. Well a few days later, the old wife died, and now the old guy was left with making her funeral arrangements from abroad. He stopped to see the man at the local funeral home who told him that he could pay $150 to have her buried there, or he could pay $4,000 to have her body shipped back home. The old man thought about it for a minute, and said that he would rather pay $4,000. The man was a bit puzzled so he asked him why he wanted to pay $4,000 instead of $150. The old man replied " Over 2,000 years ago a man died and was buried here. Three days later he resurrected. I cant take the chance."  |
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demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on Jul 30, 2017 8:36:20 GMT -5
Why are hurricanes usually named after women? When they first come their wild and wet, but when they leave they usually take your house and car with them  |
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demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on Jul 30, 2017 8:47:07 GMT -5
An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front porch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.
The old timer asks the kid, "Hey son. Whatcha got there?"
The kid replies, "I got me some chicken wire. I'm gonna catch me some chickens."
The old timer responds, "Oh son, you can't catch no chickens with chicken wire."
A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire.
"Well, I'll be...'" says the old timer scratching his head.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?"
The kid responds, "I got me some duct tape. I'm gonna catch me some ducks."
The old timer laughs, "Son, you can't catch no ducks using duct tape."
A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape."
The old man cannot believe his eyes.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in hs hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?"
The kid shouts back to the old timer, "I got me some pussy willow."
The old timer shouts out, "Hold on son...while I get my hat!"
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2727
Heat Winner
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Post by 2727 on Oct 30, 2017 6:55:04 GMT -5
Irene, the church gossip, and self appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new church member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George, and several others, that everyone seeing it there would know exactly what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a few moments and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny! He said nothing!
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Irene’s house …. walked home …. and left it there all night.
You’ve gotta love George!
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chi
Heat Winner
Posts: 272
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Post by chi on Nov 6, 2017 2:26:19 GMT -5
Depends on what you find funny,I enjoy shock comedy and figured a few people would get a kick out of it.it's not like I'm saying I agree with the joke,it's just funny if it's obviously in joke form. I'll take it down i guess,and no longer post in the joke section since my jokes are too crude for derby guys
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