Post by everythingsforsale on Sept 25, 2016 20:05:42 GMT -5
Hillary Clinton is elected president, and on the first night she sleeps in the White House she finds out that all new presidents are visited by the ghosts of presidents from the past. The first night she is visited by President Washington, and she asks, "What can I do to best serve the United States? He answers, "Never tell a lie." She replies, "I can do that."
The second night she is visited by Thomas Jefferson. She asks, "What can I do to best serve the United States?" His ghost responds, "Listen to the people." She replies, "I can do that."
On the third night she is visited by Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "What can I do to best serve the United States?"
Post by Heavy Mettle on Jul 25, 2017 15:34:51 GMT -5
Monica Lewinski took a dress to drop off at the dry cleaner. As she was walking out the door, the little Asian shopkeeper said come again! Monica whipped around and said "No! It's toothpaste this time you nosey b!tch." And stormed out...
Try to leave everything better than you found it. Become a better person today than you were yesterday.
Post by demodave216 on Jul 30, 2017 8:27:46 GMT -5
One day an old couple decided to visit Jerusalem on vacation. From the moment they got off the plane, all she did was bit@h and complain. Well a few days later, the old wife died, and now the old guy was left with making her funeral arrangements from abroad. He stopped to see the man at the local funeral home who told him that he could pay $150 to have her buried there, or he could pay $4,000 to have her body shipped back home. The old man thought about it for a minute, and said that he would rather pay $4,000. The man was a bit puzzled so he asked him why he wanted to pay $4,000 instead of $150. The old man replied " Over 2,000 years ago a man died and was buried here. Three days later he resurrected. I cant take the chance."
Irene, the church gossip, and self appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new church member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George, and several others, that everyone seeing it there would know exactly what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a few moments and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny! He said nothing!
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Irene’s house …. walked home …. and left it there all night.