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Post by derrbyman96 on Feb 23, 2015 3:58:58 GMT -5
I dont always roll a joint
But when I do its my ankle
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2727
Heat Winner
Posts: 541
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Post by 2727 on Mar 2, 2015 0:42:45 GMT -5
There were some Boy Scouts out camping one night and they were getting eat up by mosquitoes. They all went and hid in their sleeping bags. A little later one little boy poked his head out and saw a bunch of lightening bugs. Then he told the other boys, "we might as well give up guys, they came back with flashlights"
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Post by derrbyman96 on Mar 11, 2015 1:16:24 GMT -5
So...if a redhead goes crazy,is it called ginger snaps ?
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Post by derrbyman96 on Mar 11, 2015 1:22:20 GMT -5
I heard this from my 8 year old niece this passed summer yelling at the neighbors boy.
"Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest kid? ....Go ask your mother! "
I just stood there with my mouth open
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57
Feature Winner
REAL MEN KEEP THEIR STICKS UP..."DA BOSSMAN" #57 of the HEAVY CHEVY BOYZ
Posts: 1,602
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Post by 57 on Mar 25, 2015 22:27:34 GMT -5
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde speeder. She approaches the car and says "Proof of Insurance and Drivers license please!!" The driver hands the officer her proof of insurance and asks.."What is a drivers license?" The officer says.."Its that small square thing in your purse with your picture on it" The driver says "Oh yes" fumbles through her purse for several minutes and pulls out her vanity mirror..looks at it and says "Here you go" and hands it to the officer. The officer looks at it and says "Well why didnt you just tell me you were a police officer...i would of let you go a long time ago"
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57
Feature Winner
REAL MEN KEEP THEIR STICKS UP..."DA BOSSMAN" #57 of the HEAVY CHEVY BOYZ
Posts: 1,602
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Post by 57 on Mar 25, 2015 22:37:40 GMT -5
Theres 3 men and a 10 year old boy on an airplane. They hit a flock of birds stalling one of the engines. As the airplane is plummeting toward the ground one man notices that they only have 3 parachutes. The first man yells "IM A DOCTOR...I SAVE LIVES...I DESERVE TO LIVE!!" grabs a parachute and jumps out the door. The second man yells "I WORK FOR NASA...I HELPED DESIGN THE SPACE SHUTTLE...IM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE...I DESERVE TO LIVE!!" grabs a parachute and jumps out the door. The third man looks at the 10 year old boy and says "SONNY...IM 72 YEARS OLD...IVE LIVED MY LIFE...YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE TO LIVE...TAKE THIS AND JUMP" as he hands the boy a parachute. The boy looks at the old man and says "NO MISTER...THERES STILL 2 PARACHUTES LEFT...THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE JUST JUMPED OUT WITH MY BACKPACK!!"
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57
Feature Winner
REAL MEN KEEP THEIR STICKS UP..."DA BOSSMAN" #57 of the HEAVY CHEVY BOYZ
Posts: 1,602
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Post by 57 on Mar 25, 2015 22:58:11 GMT -5
An old man wearing coveralls is sitting on his front porch reading a newspaper with a dog in the front yard. From down the street approaches a jogger. As the jogger gets closer to the house he yells out to the old man "DOES YOUR DOG BITE?" The old man looks over the top of his newspaper and says "Nope". Right as the jogger approaches the front of the house the dog jumps up..runs to the jogger and tears into his leg bringing the jogger to the ground. As he fights and tries to get away he yells "THOUGHT YOU SAID YOUR DOG DIDNT BITE!!" The old man looks over the top of his newspaper again and says "Aint my dog."
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demodave216
Feature Winner
If You Don't Want A Sarcastic Answer Then Don't Ask A Stupid Question!
Posts: 3,471
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Post by demodave216 on May 15, 2015 7:53:30 GMT -5
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his hot cocoa.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'
The husband looks up from his cocoa, 'It's the 20th anniversary of the day we met.'
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. 'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him..
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, 'I would have gotten out today.'
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demodave216
Feature Winner
If You Don't Want A Sarcastic Answer Then Don't Ask A Stupid Question!
Posts: 3,471
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Post by demodave216 on May 15, 2015 8:04:11 GMT -5
Walked into work this morning, and one of the guys, is sitting there, mouth swelled up, and missing a whole lot of teeth. I asked him, "WTF happened to you?" And so it began "I was at Applebee's last night, at the bar waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly, big old girl came up behind me, and slapped me on the butt." She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number?" I looked at her and said, "Do you have a pen?" She said, "I sure do." I said, "Well, you better get back into it, before the farmer notices you're missing." "My dental surgery is on Monday."
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demodave216
Feature Winner
If You Don't Want A Sarcastic Answer Then Don't Ask A Stupid Question!
Posts: 3,471
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Post by demodave216 on May 15, 2015 8:17:23 GMT -5
Not Holding Up The Deal After being married for 42 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "forty-two years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now ... I have a $250,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 62 year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
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Post by crashing513 on May 18, 2015 18:15:20 GMT -5
a camel ion is walking down bank and smells some thing bad he looks up and sees a monkey smoking a joint. he climbs up the tree and puff puffs on the joint. then he tells the monkey he needs something to drink. he climbs down to the water edge and then falls in, a gator grabs him and says u know the rules, then the came lion says to him im really high thanks to monkey.the gator says ok this is ur one pass. then the gator walks up the bank towards the monkey. the monkey looks down says DAM DUDE HOW MUCH did U DRINK!
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wreckit87
Feature Winner
I'm here to get smashed and bang in public
Posts: 1,023
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Post by wreckit87 on May 18, 2015 19:42:53 GMT -5
a camel ion walking down bank smells some thing bad looks up monkey smoking joint. climbs up tree puff puff.tells monkey needs something to drink. climbs down to water falls in, gator grabs him says u know the rules, came lion says im really high thanks to monkey. gator says ok ur one pass. gator walks up bank monkey looks down says DAM DUDE HOW MUCH U DRINK WHAT?
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Post by crashing513 on May 20, 2015 17:46:59 GMT -5
sorry translating tired white trash can be hard fixed lol
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wreckit87
Feature Winner
I'm here to get smashed and bang in public
Posts: 1,023
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Post by wreckit87 on May 20, 2015 21:42:09 GMT -5
See we was wondering DAM DUDE HOW MUCH U DRINK haha
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demodave216
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Post by demodave216 on May 21, 2015 6:23:17 GMT -5
George was about three years into his current relationship when he started to have erection difficulties. Him and the girlfriend had a difference of opinion as to what the problem was: she bought him some Viagra, he bought her a treadmill.
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